Collection po ng jokes... - noypi.org

vampire_angel149 · 05-29-2009, 12:20 AM

Polite way
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
`Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'
Michael said: `Just a minute I have to go pee.'
The teacher responded by saying: `That would be rude and impolite. What about you Vincent, how would you say it?'
Vincent said: `I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'
`That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Arvin, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?' Arvin said: `I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'
_________________________________________

Olson returned home unexpectedly one afternoon, and found a stranger on top of his wife in bed, with his head cradled between her breasts. "What are you doing? "I'm listening to the music in this lady's chest!"
Olson bent over and listened. "I can't hear any music," he said.
"Of course not," said the stranger,"you're not plugged in."
_____________________________________

A husband writes a letter to his wife......

To My Dearest Wife,

During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days.

The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often:

We will wake the kids - 54 times

It's too late - 15 times

I'm too tired - 42 times

It's too early - 12 times

It's too hot - 18 times

Pretending to be asleep - 31 times

The neighbors will hear - 9 times

Headache or backache - 26 times

Sunburn - 10 times

Your mother will hear us - 9 times

Not in the mood - 21 times

Watching the late show - 17 times

Too sore - 26 times

New hairdo - 6 times

Wrong time of the month - 14 times

You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times

Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let's try to improve this, shall we??

Love, Your HubbyWife's responds......

To My Dearest Husband,
I think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you didn't get more than you did this past year:

Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat - 23 times

Did not come home at all - 36 times

Did not come - 21 times

Came too soon - 38 times

Went soft before you got it in - 19 times

Cramps in your leg - 16 times

Working too late - 33 times

You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat - 29 times

Caught yourself in your zipper - 15 times

You had a cold and your nose kept running - 21 times

You had burned your tongue on hot coffee - 9 times

You had a splinter in your finger - 11 times

You lost the notion after thinking about it - 42 times

Came in your pajamas after reading a dirty book - 16 times

The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were screwing the sheet. You seemed to be having a good time and I didn't want to move and spoil it for you. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling. What I said was, "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air. Maybe you can work on your "shortcomings?"

Love, Your Wife

cathie_cuenky · 05-29-2009, 03:35 PM

ahehe..

cute aman ng mga jokes na 2..

nkakatuwa..

prang adik lng..

vampire_angel149 · 05-29-2009, 04:39 PM

more jokes...

Things to do in an Elevator

1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them
on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile,
and go back for more.

3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the
wrong ones.

4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they
know what floor your on.

5) Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After
a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day
been?"

6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then
scream, "That's mine!"

7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on,
ask if they have an appointment.

9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to
play.

10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask
them if they can hear ticking.

11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency
procedures and exits with the passengers.

12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14) When the doors close, announce to the
others, "It's okay,
don't panic, they open again!"

15) Swat at flies that don't exist.

16) Tell people that you can see their aura.

17) Call out, "Group Hug!" and then enforce it.

18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and
muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering
inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the
wall, without getting off.

21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in
horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the
other
passengers.

23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then
announce, "I have new socks on".

26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to
the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"

olan · 06-11-2009, 05:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vampire_angel149

more jokes...

Things to do in an Elevator

1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them
on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile,
and go back for more.

3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the
wrong ones.

4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they
know what floor your on.

5) Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After
a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day
been?"

6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then
scream, "That's mine!"

7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on,
ask if they have an appointment.

9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to
play.

10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask
them if they can hear ticking.

11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency
procedures and exits with the passengers.

12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14) When the doors close, announce to the
others, "It's okay,
don't panic, they open again!"

15) Swat at flies that don't exist.

16) Tell people that you can see their aura.

17) Call out, "Group Hug!" and then enforce it.

18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and
muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering
inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the
wall, without getting off.

21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in
horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the
other
passengers.

23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then
announce, "I have new socks on".

26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to
the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"

joke ba to? hello?? tatawa ba ako d2??

hello!

kahit lasing nd matatawa sa joke ng mga tanga e?

hello!!

lladymae85 · 06-25-2009, 06:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by olan

joke ba to? hello?? tatawa ba ako d2??

hello!

kahit lasing nd matatawa sa joke ng mga tanga e?

hello!!

parang galit ka yata kasi hindi ka natawa..hehee

actually hindi nga sya nakakatawa pero natawa ako sa reaksyon mo..

khalil1700 · 07-02-2009, 10:44 PM

please more

dhelsaints · 07-08-2009, 09:20 AM

keep it up! ur enlightning some dude out here and there! let's have a break...read some jokes....

dhelsaints · 07-08-2009, 09:24 AM

post kpa ng marami. tnx!

dhelsaints · 07-08-2009, 09:26 AM

nman kaw! pls be considerate nman sa effort nia...tnx

markybritz090 · 09-02-2009, 06:21 PM

Nakaka-addict nmn mga jokes nyo..meron pb jan? nangungulekta kc ako..

________________
Jazz

05-29-2009, 12:20 AM	#1 (permalink)
vampire_angel149 Junior Member Bagito Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 7 Noypiso: 0.00 ++	Collection po ng jokes... Polite way During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: `Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?' Michael said: `Just a minute I have to go pee.' The teacher responded by saying: `That would be rude and impolite. What about you Vincent, how would you say it?' Vincent said: `I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.' `That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Arvin, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?' Arvin said: `I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.' _________________________________________ Olson returned home unexpectedly one afternoon, and found a stranger on top of his wife in bed, with his head cradled between her breasts. "What are you doing? "I'm listening to the music in this lady's chest!" Olson bent over and listened. "I can't hear any music," he said. "Of course not," said the stranger,"you're not plugged in." _____________________________________ A husband writes a letter to his wife...... To My Dearest Wife, During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often: We will wake the kids - 54 times It's too late - 15 times I'm too tired - 42 times It's too early - 12 times It's too hot - 18 times Pretending to be asleep - 31 times The neighbors will hear - 9 times Headache or backache - 26 times Sunburn - 10 times Your mother will hear us - 9 times Not in the mood - 21 times Watching the late show - 17 times Too sore - 26 times New hairdo - 6 times Wrong time of the month - 14 times You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let's try to improve this, shall we?? Love, Your HubbyWife's responds...... To My Dearest Husband, I think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you didn't get more than you did this past year: Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat - 23 times Did not come home at all - 36 times Did not come - 21 times Came too soon - 38 times Went soft before you got it in - 19 times Cramps in your leg - 16 times Working too late - 33 times You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat - 29 times Caught yourself in your zipper - 15 times You had a cold and your nose kept running - 21 times You had burned your tongue on hot coffee - 9 times You had a splinter in your finger - 11 times You lost the notion after thinking about it - 42 times Came in your pajamas after reading a dirty book - 16 times The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were screwing the sheet. You seemed to be having a good time and I didn't want to move and spoil it for you. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling. What I said was, "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air. Maybe you can work on your "shortcomings?" Love, Your Wife

07-02-2009, 10:44 PM	#6 (permalink)
khalil1700 Junior Member Kamote Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: city of Malolos Bulacan Posts: 16 Noypiso: 0.00 ++	hahahatatawa na ako XD please more

07-08-2009, 09:20 AM	#7 (permalink)
dhelsaints Junior Member Bagito Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 5 Noypiso: 0.00 ++	nice! keep it up! ur enlightning some dude out here and there! let's have a break...read some jokes....

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05-29-2009, 03:35 PM	#2 (permalink)
cathie_cuenky sau nlng aku gusto mu? Lambing Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: sa puso mu.. hakhak! Posts: 214 Noypiso: 0.00 ++	ahehe.. cute aman ng mga jokes na 2.. nkakatuwa.. prang adik lng..

05-29-2009, 04:39 PM	#3 (permalink)
vampire_angel149 Junior Member Bagito Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 7 Noypiso: 0.00 ++	more jokes... Things to do in an Elevator 1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you. 2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more. 3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones. 4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on. 5) Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?" 6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!" 7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator. 8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment. 9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play. 10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking. 11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers. 12) Ask, "Did you feel that?" 13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally. 14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!" 15) Swat at flies that don't exist. 16) Tell people that you can see their aura. 17) Call out, "Group Hug!" and then enforce it. 18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!" 19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?" 20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. 21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly. 22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers. 23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope. 24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on". 26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"

07-08-2009, 09:24 AM	#8 (permalink)
dhelsaints Junior Member Bagito Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 5 Noypiso: 0.00 ++	post kpa ng marami. tnx!

07-08-2009, 09:26 AM	#9 (permalink)
dhelsaints Junior Member Bagito Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 5 Noypiso: 0.00 ++	nman kaw! pls be considerate nman sa effort nia...tnx

09-02-2009, 06:21 PM	#10 (permalink)
markybritz090 Junior Member Bagito Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 1 Noypiso: 0.00 ++	Nakaka-addict nmn mga jokes nyo..meron pb jan? nangungulekta kc ako.. ________________ Jazz