JoeyBoyPalaboy

First time ko sa call center and samut saring kwento na ang mailalahad ko sa inyo eto sampol.............di ako ang may akda nito kung hindi ang isa sa aking mga katrabaho (dont want to take credit for something I did not do) and dont forget number one rule sa mga call center EOP please engles or pelepeno
hjope you enjoy...............

Call center bloopers (compilation ng different experiences)

TSR: 0kay sir, Let's check if y0u wiLL be abLe t0 g0 0nLine n0w...
CUST: yes... (yes Lang ng yes kase et0ng HAPON na it0... )
TSR: type in Yahoo!
CUST: what? yahoo.cot?
TSR: n0 sir... yahoo.com...
CUST: yahoo.cot?
TSR: n0 sir... com... C-O-M
CUST: cot?
TSR: (asar na) .com sir!
CUST: aahhh... yahoo.cot.
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TSR: It's C as in CAT.
CUST: what?
TSR: C as in CAT. C-A-T... me0w me0w...
(ayuz! very specific na yan ha baka hindi m0 pa magets...)!
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CS: Thank you for calling... this is Candy, how may I help you?
Cust: What did you say your name was... Mandy?
CS: No, sir, it's Candy...
Cust: Sorry, can't hear ya... didja say Mandy?
CS: No, sir.. Candy, sir... Candy... as in Storck!!!
(oohhh... now I get it!!!)
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CS: Was that a "B" as in boy or a "B" as in bravo?
Cust: Uhhmmm... how about "B" as in boy...
(good choice...)
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CS: Alright, let me verify that... Was that a "G" as in golf?
Cust (with a different accent): NO! That was a "G" as! in GEBRA! (z as in zebra)
Oh, Gebra!!! like the one in the Goo?!!!... Gusme... Gon't gou get git?)
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CS: Yeah, sir... sir... are you there?
Cust: Yes, yes, I'm there!
(siguro naglalaro sila ng Counter...)
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CS: Sir, do you have NET-ESCAPE there?
Cust: Huh?... Oh!!!.. No, I have MSN IN-NERNET EXPLODER here...
(... makes sense to me!!!)
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TS: Ok, sir... do u have a PEN and a PENCIL ready?
Cust: What?!!
TS: Oh, Im sorry, sir... Do u have a PEN and a BALLPEN ready?...
(klap! klap! klap!)
should've been pen and paper
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ethernet cord connected???...
Cust: Tha Hwhut??? (with alabama accent)
TS: Yung yellow cord, mheem...
(oh-oow ngee nehmeeennn..)
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CS: ...That's E as in I-KOW... (echo)
(oki lang yan, Dong...)
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CS: Come again, sir?!!!
Cust: Oh sure, baby!!!
(negro siguro kausap neto...)
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TS: Ok, sir, this is ano... what you'll do... you have to type the ano...the command run and ano...
(...teypows enow???)
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Cust: So, do i have to wait for advice regarding the delivery?
CS: Sir, the package has been delivered and all we have to do is wait POR FICK UP schedule...
(... I can PEEL it!!!)
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CS: I w! as hoping you can take this survey with me... Would you have the time to do that, sir?
Contact: How long is this gonna to take?
CS: Mmm.. MGA three minutes....
(ay shyet!!!)
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CS: ...I'd like to speak with Billy Thompson please???
Contact: He's not in. Would you like to leave a message in his voicemail?
CS: Sure, SIGE...
(ay shyet, ulet!!!)
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local client kaya mostly pinoy and callers, usually from visayas...
Cust: hiillo! wala kasi yung bell ng pon namin???...
CS: Hindi naman po ba nabagsak yung phone?
Cust: Hende naman...
CS: Kailan pa po ito nagsimula?
Cust: Ang alen?
CS: .Na hindi po nagri-ring yung phone?
Cust: Nagre-reng naman ah?!
CS: Di ba wala pong ring?
Cust: Hende! yong BELL!.. yong lestahan nong babayaran namin!!!...
CS: aahhh... yung BILL?!!!
(hende kase nagve-verefie mabote... tsk, tsk, tsk...)
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TS: Ok, sir... Could you please drag the icon UPSTAIRS?...
(... lemme try...)
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Cust (US): So how's the weather there?
CS: Well... it's kinda cloudy today, sir...
Cust: Oh really?!!!... So where are you located?
CS: Sir, your call has been re-routed in ORTIGAS!!!...
(... dats nir Mexico...)
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TS: Alright, we're going to perform a checkdisk... that is for us to see if your hard drive has errors in it.please type in C-H-K-D-S-K...
Cust: What is that again?
TS: C-H-K-D-S-K... that is... C as in Charlie... H as in Harley... K as in Karly... D as in Darley... S as in Sarley... and K as in Karly...
(gleng-gleng... bagong version...)
___________________________


Agent: Hello, welcome to (company name here) customer number, may I have your name please?
Caller: what?

___________________________

Agent: May I put you on hold for about 2 to 3 billing cycles?
___________________________

Agent: Can I hold you for 2-3 minutes?
___________________________


Phonetics bloopers:

L for elbow
Y for wyoming
I for ingrown
N for...(naubusan na ng phonetics) N-no?!
N for pneumonia
F for effort
C for fried chicken


Agent: C for charlie..
Caller: No! it's C for Cow

tech: sir, type P as in Paul
cust: what?! B as in Ball?
tech: no sir, P as in Peter!
cust: OWWW...B as in Beer!!!

American cust: Y as in You! E as in Eco 2 3 1
Indian tech: Y as in U? or Y as in...Y?
American cust: Y as in YOU!! Y starts with a W! reffering to (why)
Indian tech: ok sir, so your service tag in W...E231
American cust: F@#k Y@# m0r0n!! (then hangs up the phone)

___________________________

Agent: Can you repeat that again for the second time around?
(ayos sa redundancy)

__________________________

JoeyBoyPalaboy

1 ) Tech Support : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer : "Ok."
Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up
menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up
until
this point?"
Customer : "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote
'click'."


----------------------------------------

2) Customer : "I received the software update you sent, but I am still
getting
the same error message."
Tech Support : "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"


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3) Customer : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support : "Tell me what you've done."
Customer : "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
Tech Support : "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it
says."
Customer : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery
disk'."
Tech Support : "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer : "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."

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4) Customer : "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)

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5) Tech Support : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,
canyou see
the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
Tech support : ##### ***

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6) Tech Support : "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer : "A white one."
Tech support : ******_____####

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7) Tech Support : "What operating system are you running?"
Customer : "Pentium."

Tech support : ////-----+++
--------------------------------------------------

8) Customer : "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal
abortion."
Tech support : ??????

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9) Customer : "I have Microsoft Exploder."
Tech Support : ?!%#$
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10) Customer : "How do I print my voicemail?"
Tech support : ??????

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11) Customer : "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to
print
document, but the computer won't boot properly."

Tech Support : "What does it say?"

Customer : "Something about an error and non-system disk."

Tech Support : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy
inside?"

Customer : "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel
inside."

Tech support : @@@@@
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12) Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open
24
hours."

Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

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13) Tech Support : "What does the screen say now?"

Customer : "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."

Tech Support : "Well?"

Customer : "How do I know when it's ready?"

Tech support : *** ---- ++++
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Height Of it all (Too Good)

15) Customer : I need a product identification number right now

Customer Care Officer : and may I help u in finding it out?

Cust : sure !!!!

CCO : could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?

Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your
computer?

_______________________________________________
customer asking how's the weather....

account specialist answered oohhh sir, we're in heat....

_______________________________________________
CSR: So, you want to reset your password? Is this correct?

Cust: Yes.

CSR: Would you like to set your own password or would you like me to give you a generic password.

Cust: Uhmm.. just give me a generic one.

CSR: Alright. I have reset your password. Your new password will be... let me spell it out for you. That's K as in Kilo ... A as in apple....M as in mama.... O as in October..... T as in tango.... and E as in Echo

Cust: "Kamowt?" . That's a cool password. I'll never forget this. All right. Everything is working.
________________________________________________

Cx: (irate agad on set of the call) %$$#$$%$$#!!! what kind of F**KING service you have?!! *&^&**&^... im so F**KING disapointed

(mura ng mura ang customer , he keeps on saying the word F**KING)

(the agent started to say her spiel on customer using profane words)

agent: mr cust, we do not tolerate profanity in our company blah blah blah

Cx: (sige parin ng sige sa kakamura) %$$#$%$$#$%$@ F**KING blah blah blah

Agent: (medyo nairita narin) pasigaw na sinabi na " mr Cust I can only help you with your concern if you stop F**KING me!!!!"